He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
