The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
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