i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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