this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
