my mouth tastes like poor choices
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
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