booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
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