That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
