Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
