So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I have fence marks all over my body
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
