I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Can Purell be used as lube?
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize