we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
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