we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
