it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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