Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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