he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Randomize
