plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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