I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
