I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
