I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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