Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
