Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
