So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
