It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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