i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
