I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
