so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
He uses pillows to masturbate.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
