when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Randomize
