You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
