it was like eating out sand paper
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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