I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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