oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
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