is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
