he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
