what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
