I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
