you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
