puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
