Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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