Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Randomize
