Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
