why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
