hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
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