How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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