I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
