walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
