Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
