dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast