no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize