I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
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You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
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I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.