PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Just pee around me
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Randomize
