I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Randomize
