At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
