I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
