it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
