he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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