Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
