he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize