In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
