just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
