dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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