It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
