Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
