she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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