You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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