I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Randomize
