My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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