RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
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