i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
